I was in a wonderful - the best - relationship I have ever had. Her name was Johanna and, although we were only 17 and still are, we were in love. However, her family hates me, and she won’t oppose her family, afraid that her family will be disappointed. Her family hates me and has still neglected to tell me and her why. Naturally, she submitted to her family and left me, last Tuesday. She still "loves" me like a friend, but I still love her like she is the world. She wants me to stop loving her as much as I do, but I know I can’t. I know that from experience. I developed a huge crush on a girl a few years ago and I never developed a relationship with her, albeit I did try. That ended with me being hospitalized - twice - and discovering that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and I developed Major Depressive Disorder and Social Phobia. It has been almost three years and I have still not overcome that crush. Now I have to do it all over again! It could be 10 years by the time I am able to move on. People tell me there will be others, but I can’t trust anything positive. Of course there will be a girl I like in university, but why should I trust that relationship? Why should I be willing to risk so much for something that has never worked? Frankly, I could kill myself right now, for all I care. In fact, I almost did last Thursday and the school has me under suicide watch.

What the hell am I suppose to do?
Is death by best option?
How can I go about making sure I don’t develop one ever again? I have figured I’d put a picture of Johanna and the other girl on my door, so as to remind me to never try again.

You are amazing, TJ, and if that girl left you just because her family told her to, I honestly doubt she loved you as much as you loved her. Please be kind to yourself, there’s nothing wrong about you. Killing yourself is helpless, there is no point.
Please, please, please don’t.
I love you still buddy!

2 Responses to “What am I suppose to do now?”